DGM The Musical!
by Emberlem
Summary: Komui has gotten hooked on High School Musical and decides to force everyone in the Black Order to re-enact it... Yullen! A HSM Parody.
1. Act One, Scene 0

DGM THE MUSICAL

Now, we all know that High School Musical has been replayed and replayed.. And replayed again to the point where it gets really exasperating. So, somewhere along the line, someone (-CoughHackCoughKomui-) is bound to fall in love with it. And madness would result.

THIS IS NOT A CROSSOVER.

Pairing: Yullen! [Cause my darling friend refuses to read any other pairings with Yu-chan. She says its disturbing.]

**Hmm. High School Musical? D. Gray Man? Not mine, sadly. If not, I'd be rich and not writing fanfiction about cute boys~**

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It was truly an accursed day when Komui Lee first set eyes on the show 'High School Musical'. First, he started singing those accursed songs. Then came the dancing and the shaking of hips. Finally, (and this was by far the worst thing that could happen,) he had an idea. Normally, the ideas Komui had were already quite horrifying and disaster causing, but this one took things to a whole new level. As the crazed scientist leaned back in his chair and cackled, all the exorcists in the Black Order Headquarters felt a chill creeping up their spines, and a certain Yu Kanda twitched and started filling out a request letter to leave Headquarters for a _long _period of time for a training mission.

However, Kanda's escape-Komui-plan failed, and this was how our dear bad-tempered swordsman found himself in his dressing room with a script in his hands. Pointedly ignoring the childish drawings of pink bunnies all over the front cover, (A/N: Chappy appears! For those who don't know, Chappy is this retarded rabbit thingy from Bleach that Rukia draws all the time to explain things to others.) Kanda ruffled through his script irritatibly. He scowled.

"Why the hell am I even doing this again?" our lovable ponytailed exorcist muttered darkly below his breath, as Miranda Lotto of all people scurried all around him, measuring his fittings for what must have been the twenty-ninth time in five minutes. He blamed Lavi. Kanda had been **so close **to leaving the Black Order for his training mission, when that idiotically cheerful rabbit had whispered into Komui's ear those damning words, "_Yu-chan can dance. Really well_."

Kanda had sworn from that moment onwards: **No more drinking games**. **Ever again**. Especially when Lavi was horny as hell. Anyway, that was that. Komui's spectacles had suddenly took on a familiar evil glint, and a dark aura instantly enveloped him. The 'Accepted' stamp never met the application form. And now, Kanda was being _forced _into this torture fest. So much for being an exorcist and one chosen by god. At that point of time, our steely-eyed teenager swore, god must really hate him.

Even more demeaning was the fact that he, Yu Kanda, who was as Allen so politely put, an "anti-social humbug", had been cast as a cheerful smiling guy who _periodically burst into song _without any reason whatsoever! And, to top this absolutely wonderful day off, Komui had refused to let his "Precious Leenalee-chan" to be flirted with or kissed in the play, even if it was only acting, and Miranda was simply out of the question (Kanda would probably stab her ten seconds into the show).

Therefore, the role of Gabriella fell to none other that a rather feminine-looking, overtly nice, cheerful and way-too-sweet white haired brat. Thinking about what Komui might actually end up forcing them to do, Kanda abruptly smashed his head into the wall, hoping against hope that he might end up passing out or falling into a coma, leaving anyone _except _him, (maybe Lavi... Or even the strange vampire-wannabe person...) to bat their eyes and flirt blatantly with that---that **beansprout**! However, his wish went unfufilled, and the only thing that happened was Miranda jumping half a foot into the air in fright and landing face-first. What else was new?

Then, Kanda heard the voice of the devil hell-bent on torturing him to his early demise. Komui was trilling those horrid words, "Stage call in five minutes!"

The black haired teenager swore violently before tossing his script to the side and stomping over Miranda, through the dressing room door and onto the makeshift stage which Komui had erected, in a red and white jacket with matching pants. He felt like a bloody candycane.

The only thing keeping him there was that Komui had confiscated Mugen and was threatening to make it _**pink **_if he refused to comply with the orders of the evil supervisor. Thankfully, he was able to save his ponytail, even though Komui had wanted to cut his hair off so that he would look more like the person he was acting as. Trey, was it... Or maybe Troy? He really couldn't tell, what with all the girlish squealing coming from the idiot scientist.

Disregarding the name of his role, Kanda gritted his jaw. Get on stage. Say the lines. Sing and dance (not if he could help it). The faster he finished, the faster this ordeal would be over with.

What Kanda didn't know was that in _Komui's version _of the play, some interesting changes had been made....

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A/N: Cliffie :DD So, how was it? I'm trying out humor for the first time, even though I feel that I've failed drastically. ^^" First time for everything, right?

CAMDEN. THIS IS NOT YOUR BIRTHDAY PRESENT. BE PATIENT.


	2. Act One, Scene 1

DGM THE MUSICAL

Komui's changed the script of the original show~ And Kanda's not gonna be too happy about it. Lavi's having a field day though.

THIS IS NOT A CROSSOVER.

**I don't own. If I did, High School Musical would be played out like how my fic is going to be :DD With actually cute gay bishies, supplied by DGM Pte. Ltd, running amok.**

Sheesh. Haven't you heard of a prologue? (Ref. Act 1, Scene 0) I can't have Kanda suddenly shaking his hips and cozying up to Gabriella, aka Allen, without a reason that doesn't involve tramatic memory loss or something right? :DD

Anyways, in a bid to explain my attempt at writing this, I suddenly thought that Komui would probably do something like this anyway ^^" He gives off those _vibes. _But I adore his craziness all the same.

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"Ahem. Now, as all of you know, we are here to re-enact a truly wonderous and awe-inspiring work of literature." Komui announced, happily bouncing about with sparkles and flowers floating all around him. A basketball flew into his face.

"KANDA! WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?!?!" Komui screeched in indignation, as he pathetically attempted to get his darling Leenalee to give him a hand to pull himself up with. However, Leenalee seemed to be preoccupied with.. Something else... Leaving the crazed madman (in Kanda's opinion anyway,) to pull himself up, tears pouring down from his eyes like a waterfall at how he percieved that Leenalee was ignoring him.

"Che. Playing basketball. What else?" Kanda smirked.

Still crying like a broken tap, Komui screeched for the second time in thirty seconds. "YOU DID THAT ON PURPOSE!!"

A second basketball flew into his face. "Oops." Kanda drawled. "I guess my aim still needs some work, hmm?"

Grinning evilly now, Komui sauntered over to where Kanda was standing and whispered into his ear, "You know, I heard that Lavi's quite good at playing basketball... I'm sure he wouldn't _mind _giving you some one to one help...." And suddenly, Kanda's aim became perfect.

"Okay people, places!!" The self-appointed director (he even has a director's chair now!) squealed. "Now, Scene One! Kanda, over there! Allen, get ready to come on stage! And..... Action!"

Yu Kanda coughed. He looked at the script. He spoke. Then, his jaw dropped. Allen was walking, or rather tripping over himself as he entered the stage, in a silken blue dress and high heels. Somewhere backstage, a certain bookman with an eyepatch was lying on the floor, having passed out from a fierce nosebleed.

Komui had to prompt the shocked lead actor into singing, the only way he knew how. "SING! SING YOUR HEART OUT IN HONOR OF THE BEAUTY OF THIS WONDEROUS SONG--" This time, it wasn't a basketball that landed in his face. It was a pink and blue cup of coffee, with an image of Yoshi on it. (A/N: Hmm. To be frank, I had no idea who Yoshi was until MitarashiiDango told me ^^" So, I had to put it in _somehow._)

Waterfall gushing out from his eyes again at the percieved betrayal of his precious sister (because we all know that Leenalee is the only one to touch the sacred coffee cup), Komui sunk to the floor in a haze of despair, poking the index fingers of his hands together in an attempt to appear pitiful and innocent.

Having no choice, (he really didn't want to hear Komui screech further,) Kanda sang.

"Living in my own world  
Didn't understand  
That anything can happen  
When you take a chance"

Allen's jaw dropped open. 'OhMyGod how is this possible?? Kanda's singing, and I'm enjoying it?!' raced through his mind, temporarily displacing his mental image of Kanda as a _very _large and _very _edible candycane. (You can't blame the poor boy. He and food share a love hate relationship. In this case, he loves candycanes, but the actual real candycane, Kanda, hates him.)

Suddenly, Komui interjected, tears of happiness in his eyes, "Fabulous, Kanda-kun! Move closer to your one true love! Now, Allen!"

Scowling even more, (if that was possible) Kanda took a stiff step forward, close enough to hear Allen whisper, "Keep scowling like that and you'll have that expression on your face forever." Then, the feminine teenager pondered slightly, interjecting with an all-too-innocent smile on his face, "Wait. I'm sorry. Your face is probably stuck like that permanently. "

Smirking, and in order to pervent Kanda rebutting any further, Allen opened his mouth to sing. And it was in that very instant that Kanda swore that this was some twisted and sick joke. Allen... Sounded... Beautiful.

"I never believed in  
What I couldn't see  
I never opened my heart  
To all the possibilities"

Kanda shook his head violently, trying to erase whatever thoughts he had had just now. He was _not _in awe of the idiotic Moyashi's voice. It was probably something in his soba. Maybe Komui had made Jerry put a new type of drug into the food. He wouldn't put it past the sneaky, convinning, _evil _Supervisor to try something like that out. And no, he was **not **prejudiced because of the clothes. Or the overtly cheesy lyrics... Okay. Maybe the lyrics.

Opening his mouth to sing reluctantly again, Kanda pointedly ignored the fact that Komui was shouting at him something along the lines of "SHAKE YOUR ASS! DANCE LIKE THE TRUE GOD TROY IS!! NOT LIKE THE ROBOT YOU'RE EMULATING RIGHT NOW!!!", clenching his fist on the microphone in a bid to calm himself down and not throw something at the idiotic man. There would be plenty of time later during the basketball practice scene.

"I know that something has changed  
Never felt this way  
And right here tonight  
This could be the start  
Of something new  
It feels so right  
To be here with you ..oh  
And now ... looking in your eyes  
I feel in my heart  
The start of something new"

It was probably at this point that Kanda fell over in horror. Allen was trying to launch her--himself at him. He vaguely remembered _something _from the script, along the lines that he was supposed to catch her--him in a loving bridal embrace. Pondering what would happen if he _accidentally _missed, Kanda risked a glimpse at Komui, only to hear an evil whisper from Allen, who had a painfully fake grin etched on his face in an attempt to act as if he was actually Gabriella, and that he thought that Kanda, aka Troy, was the most awesome, hot and bishounen-like god he had even seen.

"If you try to drop me, I'll make sure that Lavi knows about _that night in Edo and what Master made you do._" Evil Allen had clearly surfaced. Kanda cursed again, for the forty-ninth time since the song had started. Why the hell was _he _being forced into doing such things? He had always been a good, respectable exorcist who clearly kept to the rules and had commited few, if no sins. (Threatening finders to the extent where they wet their pants wasn't counted as a sin in Kanda's little black book.) Lavi should be the one receiving all this bad karma, damnit.

Having no other choice, Kanda stretched out his arms, and Allen did a leap into them like a very awkward swan. Sadly to say, Allen's accuracy was slightly off, due to those torture devices called high heels that he was forced to wear. So, to Kanda and Allen's shock and horror, Allen's lips mashed in a very ungainly manner against.... Kanda's nose. (A/N: HAHA~ Were you expecting lips? :X That's too cliche ^^")

Needless to say, Komui refused to let the song cut short. "SING!!! Allen! Detach your mouth from Kanda's nose this instant!" He hollered, pretending that no, he was not extremely amused at the sight of Allen kissing Kanda's nose.

Very awkwardly, and pretending that none of that had happened, the two exorcists continued singing, the only hint as to what had just taken place was the furiously red tinge on both of their faces. And of course, the incriminating photos from Lavi's camera, which the red-head had snapped in glee. Little would both Kanda and Allen know, this was just the prelude to what would happen later...

"Now who'd of ever thought that  
We'd both be here tonight  
And the world looks so much brighter  
With you by my side  
I know that something has changed  
Never felt this way  
I know it for real"

"...Moyashi. Get your bloody heel out of my groin." Kanda hissed.

"This could be the start  
Of something new  
It feels so right  
To be here with you  
And now looking in your eyes  
I feel in my heart  
The start of something new"

"Stop digging into my shoulders with your hand and I'll stop stepping on your... _Parts_." Allen whispered back fiercely.

"I never knew that it could happen  
Till it happened to me  
I didn't know it before  
But now it's easy to see"

"Deal. Now move it. I want all parts of me, as you say, to be intact and in one piece." Kanda muttered.

"It's a start  
Of something new  
It feels so right  
To be here with you  
And now looking in your eyes  
I feel in my heart"

"Owww. Kanda! Can't you adjust yourself more gently?" Allen hissed. Rolling his eyes, Kanda shifted his burden higher, until Allen's face was right in front of his own. Smirking, he replied, "Better?"

"That it's the start  
Of something new  
It feels so right  
To be here with you"

Allen's face right in his own, Kanda couldn't really see clearly, and Allen refused to be lowered now that he had something stable, aka Kanda's shoulders to grasp on. Therefore, our dear swordsman was twisting and turning his head in an attempt to watch where he was moving while 'dancing like a robot', as Komui put it.

Then, he tripped over _something_. And both Kanda and Allen went crashing to the floor, eyes wide open and faces just inches away from each other. Breathily, they continued singing the last verse despite their mortification. (Komui's evil punishments have this kind of controlling effect on you.)

"And now looking in your eyes  
I feel in my heart  
The start of something new  
Start of something new"

Finally, the song was finished. Breathing a sigh of relief, Kanda pushed himself up from the floor and turned around to glare at whatever had tripped him over. It was a leg, clad in black leather. And that leg belonged to a certain slyly (A/N: Yes, according to merriam-webster, slyly _is _a word) grinning usagi, who scuttled off with an "Eeep!" as Kanda stalked angrily towards him. Once Mugen was back in his posession, Kanda decided, Lavi would be hobbling around with his eye patch and one wooden leg.

Backstage, Lavi was chortling over the pictures that he had snapped. The first few were of Allen's wide-eyed surprise as he ended up in Kanda'a arms, kissing his nose. Then, the images of Kanda singing as he carried Allen. And finally, the last three pictures were of Kanda and Allen, noses almost touching, with their mouths open slightly and a small blush painting both cheeks. Leenalee was going to _kill _to get her hands on these pictures.

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:D :D Oh wow, Yullen gets so much more reviews that Yuvi, I feel almost sad ^^"

Woah. 1000++ words and I wasn't even trying this time :O Anyways, I deserve a cookie, don't you think? :3

Spelling errors ect, inform me and I'll edit okay? ^^" Since I'm using Wordpad to type and all~ I might blur-ly miss out some mistakes.


	3. Act Two, Scene 1

DGM THE MUSICAL-- Act 1, Scene 2

Day 2-- And we find out just how terrible Komui's choreography is.

THIS IS NOT A CROSSOVER.

**I don't own DGM or HSM. I wish I did though. Then Lavi and Link would be mine~ **

**I have a question! If there are fangirls and fanboys, are there fanmen and fanwomen?**

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"Okay everyone!!! Look who's here!!" Komui trilled at the top of his voice happily. Kanda pointedly ignored the deranged madman, turning instead to look _anywhere _but at him. Then, he noticed Allen's trembling and the gloomy aura surrounding the beansprout. He turned around. General Cross was standing there, right beside Komui.

"Now, the good general has _graciously _agreed to participate in our pursuit of the most wonderful, awe-inspiring, beautiful, magical----"

"Lump of crap. Look kids, I'm only doing this because Koumi promised me alcohol. I don't give a fuck's sake about this retarded thing that the Supervisor is in love with." Cross cut Komui off abruptly, leading of course to Komui sobbing dramatically and clinging onto Leenalee's waist as he whined pathetically about how 'true genius is never appreciated' and that 'Cross is a big fat meanie!'.

Thankfully, his whines were abruptly cut off, this time by a large old-fashioned camera hitting him smack in the face.

"Oops. My hand slipped." Lavi grinned cheerfully, _radiating _innocence.

Crying even more (if that was possible), Komui yelled hysterically, "ITS A CONSPIRACY! *SniffBlowHonk* LEENALEE-CHANNNN!!! THEY'RE BULLYING MEEEEEEE!!" However, Leenalee had slipped out of his grasp and appeared to be quite busy helping Allen wear on his clothes, even though Allen was already fully dressed for his scene.

"Okay." Kanda muttered to himself, eye twitching. "Only... Three more fucking weeks to go before I can throw away this ridiculous costume. Just bear with it."

The ponytailed youth headed backstage to watch the upcoming scene, where Lavi and General Cross Marian, of all people, were supposed to dance to the tune of something Komui had proudly proclaimed, amid his outpouring of tears and sniffles, as 'Blop to the top'. Why ever anyone would want to Blop (whatever that was) up to something simply escaped him.

Focusing on the two glittery-clothes-clad people onstage, Kanda's jaw dropped. _Lavi _was wearing a short pink miniskirt, with an equally glittery gray top to match. Add that to the curly blond wig he sported and you could just imagine why Kanda looking halfway between gouging out his eyes and laughing. Yes. Laughing.

Even more horrifying was the fact that Cross Marian was clad in a striped _collared _shirt, with a green cap on his head. To his bemusement, Allen Walker, the Order's most innocent and kind exorcist, was radiating an evil aura as he readied his camera to zoom in on this _lovely _scene.

Finally, Komui yelled happily, "Action!" and the music and mind-torture began.

Cross rumbled out, "Mucho Gusto." in a dead tone, while Lavi started screeching while trying not to giggle.

"Aye que fabulosa"

He trilled, fanning himself in an utterly bimbotic fashion.

"Rrrrr aye aye AYE

Arrriba

¿Quieres bailar?"

Eyes wide open in amusement, Cross purred "Mirame".

Then, Lavi started singing and jabbing his fingers into the air, and Komui started yelling. "OWW! MY EYE! LAVI!!!"

"I believe in dreamin'  
Shootin' for the stars"

Then, all too soon, it was Cross' turn to start singing in a monotonous voice.

"Baby to be number one  
You've got to raise the bar"

It was at this point that Komui started screeching again at the General, telling him to "PUT YOUR HEART AND SOUL INTO IT! JUST LIKE THE CUTE AND EVER AWESOME RYAN-KUUUUNN---" For some strange unknown reason, a large black hammer suddenly flew through the air, effectively bonking Komui on the head and causing the evil fanboy to pass out for all of five seconds.

Naturally, backstage, Allen suppressed a shudder as he recognised the hammer used to knock him unconscious when he was in India.

Thankfully, it was Lavi's turn again. (He was making an effort to carry a tune, at least.)

"Kickin' and a scratchin'  
Grindin' out my best"

He sung, grinding his hips provocatively against the ladder in the middle of the stage while winking suggestively at the small audience.  
Cross hit him on the head and continued.

"Anything it takes  
To climb the ladder of success"

Backstage, Leenalee was fangirling at the sound of Cross' husky voice. (Courtesy of smoking and drinking, no doubt.)

Suddenly, Lavi and Cross both jumped around and started swaying their hips at the audience, while cursing Komui's lousy choreography.

"Work our tails off every day  
Gotta bump the competition"

It was at this point where Lavi and Cross had to bump hips, Cross steading Lavi when he nearly fell over. Now, the both of them turned around, winked at the audience and sticking out their hands, blew a kiss. It was probably at this point where Allen fell over laughing, and Kanda made a rather constipated-sounding choke.

"Blow them all away"

Cross growled, "Caliente." While Lavi purred, "Suave."

Singing in a falsetto, Lavi grinned at the sight of Allen collasping on the floor as another black hammer, courtesy of Cross, flew through the air and hit Allen right on his head.

"Yeah we're gonna"

Muttering under his breath to Lavi, Cross grumbled, "How long does this song last anyway?" Sticking a cheery smile to his face, Lavi replied, "Waay too long.", as the both of them hopped around like bunny rabbits.

"Bop, bop, bop  
Bop to the top"

Grumbling, Cross muttered, "The wine had better be worth it." as he spread his hands robotically while continuing on with the song.

"Slip and slide and ride that rhythm"

Komui, who had already revitalised at this point in time, started screeching again about how the both of them should "IMMERSE YOURSELVES IN THE SONG! DANCE! CROSS, SHAKE YOUR BOOTY LIKE THE SEXY MAN YOU CLAIM TO BE---" For some inexplicable reason, Timcampy fluttered over and bit Komui on the nose. Following that of course, was Komui's petulant cries that "SEE! ITS A CONSPIRACYYYYYYYY!!!! LEENALEE-CHANN!! YOUR BIG BROTHER IS SAD!!" while he tried to cling to Leenalee's waist.

Snickering slightly, both Lavi and Cross continued hopping around the stage. Now, _Timothy _was the one taking pictures to send back home (and for blackmail purposes, of course).

"Jump and hop hop 'til we drop"

Amused, Lavi continued.

"And start again

Zip zap zop  
Pop like a mop"

Muttering to Lavi out of the corner of his mouth, Cross frowned. "Why would you want to pop like a mop? Do mops even pop? Komui watches too much nonsense these days."

"Scoot around the corner"

Nodding his head in fervent agreement, Lavi opened his mouth to join in the song.

"Move it to the groove  
'Til the music stops  
Do the bop bop, bop to the top  
Don't ever stop  
Bop to the top

Gimmie, gimmie  
Shimmy shimmy  
Shake some booty and turn around  
Flash a smile in their direction"

Raising his arm and clenching it so that his well defined biceps could be seen, Lavi purred, "Show some muscle." While Cross, smirking slightly at Lavi's theatrics, rumbled, "Do the hustle."

Hopping around like mad rabbits once more, they continued singing.

"Yeah we're gonna bop, bop, bop  
Bop to the top"

Breathing a sigh of relief that it was finally about to be over, Cross purred.

"Wipe away your inhibitions"

This caused Leenalee to have a nosebleed, and Komui to shriek in dismay at what he percieved was Leenalee transferring her affections to another man. This time, it was a well aimed basketball and a cheeseburger of all things which hit him square in the face. Somewhere backstage, both Allen and Kanda were smirking.

Mentally cheering that the infernal song was almost over (and that Komui was once again comatose), Lavi and Cross continued, with Cross taking a playful smack at Lavi's rear.

"Stump, stump, stump do the rump"

Adopting an appalled expression, Lavi stuck out his tongue and put his hand on his hip, starting to strut around. This naturally resulted in Allen's failure to maintain a staright face as he laughed hystericlly at Lavi's antics, while Kanda too fought to keep a smirk from his face.

"And strut your stuff"

Now moving towards the ladder in the middle of the stage, the two red-head's continued singing.

"Bop, bop, bop  
Straight to the top  
Going for the glory"

As Lavi strutted up the pink and filly ladder, Cross rolled his eyes and climbed up too. However, due to their rather big difference in height, Cross towered over Lavi.

"We'll keep stepping up  
And we just won't stop  
'Til we reach the top  
Bop to the top"

Smiling in amusement, Lavi hit Cross gently on the head, pushing him down so that Lavi ended up being higher up that him. And finally, the song was over.

Backstage, Allen was trading his camera full of incriminatory shots to Leenalee for a plate of Mitarashi Dango. However, there were two shots that he kept, and that was of Cross and Lavi bumping hips and Cross catching Lavi as he almost fell over. Rubbing his hands and chucking evilly, Allen passed it to Timcampy for safekeeping in case of any future debts to repay.

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A/N: Phew. Adding in parts during the song is hard T_T Sorry for no Yullen action here~ But that song has to come in first! And Lavi too :DD


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